"I went on a date and I get nervous when I date. I get very nervous. I went on this date and we went out to dinner and all these things then I took her home and she went inside, and then I farted for the rest of my life."-Louis C.K.

I'm the only non white guy in the suits.

 

monetizeyourcat:

magicpottybaby:

sizvideos:

TL;DR : Watch this incredible story in video

holy fuck! so how did the penguins taste?????

this is the cutest video in the entire world. this seal is just so afraid for this dumb weird baby she thinks she’s found out in the ocean. have a bird. have another bird. no, see, eat the bird! the bird is food! why won’t this stupid baby eat. open your mouth you idiot baby i will feed you bird if it’s the last thing i do

miss-zarves:

i changed my okcupid profile to say “you should message me if you know any good jokes about giraffes” and someone responded “you, a baby, and a giraffe walked into a bar, and then you walked out with me! ;) ;)” and i’m so angry because that doesn’t even make sense, there is ZERO adherence to structural joke norms, why the fuck is the baby there? did we leave the baby at the bar? jesus christ, did we fucking leave the baby with the fucking giraffe, that is NOT RESPONSIBLE

(Source: kristyskrushers)

lil-banshee:

When you put on your favorite movie for someone and you’re really excited for them to watch it for the first time AND THEY DON’T EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO IT 

image

neilnevins:

nathanael-platier:

We freed them…but at what cost?

that ball wasn’t there to trap them

it was to protect us

justinshouseofdreams:

how to be gamer:

  • play game
  • congratulation u r gamer now
  • anyone says ur not
  • hit them with game device

(Source: inferiorflannel)